We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this just has baby written all over it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
