I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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