but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
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She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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