Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
