Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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