I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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