I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
