Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
