I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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