Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize