I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
