it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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