hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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