yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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