I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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