Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
