He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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