It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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