How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
