i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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