You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
