Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
