Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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