So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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