I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
