I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
