Who did Billy Mays play for?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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