Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
