she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
