Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
