She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize