i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
