I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
