in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I believe in your delicious
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
