We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
