one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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