If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
