peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
