i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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