im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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