I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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