like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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