I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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