I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
