everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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