sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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