Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We are two peas in an std pod
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize