This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Randomize
