this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
