He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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