Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
