after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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