Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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