hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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