Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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