Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
