When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever