Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?