sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
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I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
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