so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
