you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize