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I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
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