While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
