this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
