Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
