i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
