i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
