Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
