If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
