Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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