Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
