I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
