There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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