That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
