theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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