do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
