Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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