I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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