I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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