Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
